My coming out story.
I'd like to share my story with you guys because people have always been bewildered when I tell them I'm gay and I get various comments like "You're too pretty to be a lesbian" with a string of personal questions related to my sexuality. How weird would it be if you brought up your boyfriend in a conversation casually like "me and my boyfriend live together" and I responded. "Boyfriend? oh wow you have a boyfriend? How did that happen? Did you always know you liked boys? How do you have sex?"
Well, this has been my life for the last 11 years. Long winded conversations in groups of people. work colleagues, with new friends, new people I meet about my life and the way I live it. SO, here's my story.
How Did I know?
I didn't wake up one morning and decided "Fuck it, I'm going to be a complete rebel and label myself a lesbian" When I was in my teens, being with boys made me feel uncomfortable. I dated a few boys but there was no chemistry. I went along with it because thats what everyone else was doing. Kissing boys, losing their virginity, growing up. I hated sex with my boyfriend. It was horrible. I avoided it at all costs. I didn't know I liked girls, I just knew I didnt want to ever have sex with a man again!
First experience.
I met my first ever girlfriend and we were friends to begin with. She told me she was a lesbian and the moment she told me I had butterflies in my stomach. I don't know why. I felt warm and fuzzy. We grew close and I had my first kiss. I felt those firework straight away. That giddy-school-girl feeling was happening. When we had sex I just knew what to do. It worked. I felt right. Never ever have I felt wrong about my sexuality. Thats how I knew.
We didn't last long because I was too scared to come out to all my friends and family.
Girlfriend number 2 came along not long later and that's when I fell completely in love. I knew she would be the one I told everyone about. My life changed and it would never be the same again.
Telling my friends.
I knew it had to be done. In science class year 11 I plucked up the courage to tell my friend Zara I had a girlfriend and her response was "About time you told me. I've known you liked girls for ages" I was dumbfounded. I asked her how she knew. She told me "the way you spoke about her" and how I disliked boys so much. haha! This wasn't going to be as hard as I thought. So the next opportunity I got was at break in school. I remember it like it was yesterday. My two best friends Leanna and Kayleigh and I were stood in the school hall and I legs shaking I said "girls I have something I need to tell you" Both of them looked at me as If I had some juicy gossip. I started to feel sick, throat dried up and I somehow managed to say "I'm a lesbian and I've got a girlfriend" You couldnt write what heppend next...
as soon as I said those words the school bell rang and Leanna said "Oh well, we got maths now"
and both girls walked off leaving me stood there like a fucking idiot!
(Im laughing as I write - bloody bitches) I was in a seperate maths class so I spent the next hour in complete torture wondering if they were still going to be my friends. When we went for lunch the questions came. After I answered them their response was "we don't care"
As the news spread across the school, most people were bewildered. Nobody had "come out as a lesbian" in our year group and most people called me "brave" the fact that I was a lesbian was accepted straight away. I was lucky to be surrounded by awesome people. Don't get me wrong there were a few idiots who spat "lesbian" as they walked past but I was confident enough to stick my middle finger up at them. I didn't care what random people thought of me. My friends still loved me for me. Fuck them. :)
Telling my family.
I lived with my godmother at the time and after a very drunk 16th birthday party news had got back to her and I get a phonecall from her at work (whilst all of my friends were at my house still hungover)
My phone rang I answered it and Trudy asks me subtle as a GUN "Laura, are you a lesbian?" I just remember going pale and sayin "NO. course not" she said we'd discuss it when she got home. I scrubbed the house and sat on the top of the stairs when I knew she was coming up the path. She walked in asked me something about food. I walked down the stairs, burst into tears and said "I am a lesbian. Simone is my girlfriend" She hugged me and said "You'll always be the same Laura to us. It doesn't matter." then she followed that with "i've already told everyone in the family" I couldnt believe how lovely everyone was.
I was too scared to tell my mother and father so I told them via text.
When I visited my mother the next day she made me a cuppa and said "so you're a queer?" I nearly died. "No mam, I'm gay. I'm not queer." her reply to that was "So, can I meet your friend?" meaning my girlfriend. I told her of course and she never made an issue of it.
it took me 4 years to tell my dad and when I did he and his wife said "Laura we already knew" and he kissed me and told me I was still "his prize"
Everyone in the family treat me exactly the same but my sister Emma did once asks me deadly serious at a wedding "So, whats prosecco? Is that a lesbian drink?"
I nearly choked. Through hysterics I replied "No Em, it's just a nice sparkling wine."
I love my family so much.
"Have you got a boyfriend?"
Luckily I'm really confident and I think the fact that I'm extreemly feminine and look feminine when I get asked if I have a boyfriend or a partner when I reply with "yes shes a woman" for the first few years people would say "you're too pretty" "but you dont look like a lesbian" What does a lesbian look like? They are just women of all styles and shapes and sizes who fancy other women. Also, for the record, just because you're a woman, don't assume lesbians will fancy you. We don't. We are not going to hit on you, don't flatter youself.
However,
People are usually cool with it, Or like my colleague Sian they go beetroot red. (haha sorry sian)
In the past people have asked me a string of ridiculous and personal questions PLEASE STOP. I don't want to give my lifestory. Let's stop labelling eachother.
Love is Love. Love is Genderless. Society is more open minded and accepting than they were 10 years ago. It was daunting at the time to come out as who I was but now we are moving forward. It's nice to see the world shaping into a place where equality lives.
So without making my story a trilogy I just want to finish with this...
Thank you for those who stood by me in school. You gave me confidence in myself and made me feel loved and accepted.
Thank you to the very few idiots who used "lesbian" as an insult. Corrcet, I am a lesbian.
The word doesnt hurt, sorry. #sorrynotsorry
If I shouted "Straight" at you, you'd think I was an idiot.
Well thats what I though of you.
I am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing people. You guys rock my world.
If you got this far, Thanks for reading my story.
Hugs
Laura xx
